Since the time our children are born, we can’t help but to be proud and dream of the wonderful life that lies ahead for our sons and daughters. I’ve learned that whatever a child thinks they can do, they will. Anything is possible when they have that mindset! So be careful what you say or how you respond to your kids — you may be influencing them more than you can imagine.

Granted, we weren’t trained to be parents and we probably can all agree that our parents seemed even more clueless! We are faced with exposing our children to so much more—we help them with sports, music, academics, and interaction with their friends.

As a mother of two daughters who were totally opposite, it was scary and exciting at the same time to wonder what path they would take when they finally graduated. It’s important to acknowledge that each child has an individual talent, IQ, personality, and disposition and to help direct them with their ambitions accordingly. If you truly want to be involved in your child’s future, here’s the foundation that will build character, trust, and a lifetime of lessons that will last forever and pay off some day.

Tip 1 – Build ‘Em UP! When a child or teen does something right, acknowledge them with truth and sincerity. There’s nothing more annoying than to hear a parent give compliments just for the sake of hyping the child. Children are smart enough to know if you are phony. Always find something good in what or how they’ve something successfully first. Then, give your critique on something they could improve upon.

Tip 2 – Teach your child good values, manners, and morals. It’s sad to say, but these virtues are becoming almost a lost treasure. Parents have eighteen years to train their child; and if you don’t, someone will and you’d be putting your trust in someone else. Children are ever so eager to be taught, guided, loved, and disciplined. When you instill good, solid teachings into a child’s mind, it’s much easier to gain a their respect as they grow older.

Tip 3- Show your child how to act, talk, and perform by serving as a good role model. Don’t act like an army sergeant who makes demands upon others that you yourself don’t even meet. Don’t expect your child to be perfect, but rather see them experiencing a new learning stage. Recognize your faults by admitting your own mistakes and exemplify good work ethics, high standards, and a respectable circle of influence that you’ve developed.

Tip 4 – Trust is a major factor in helping your child be the best he/she can be. Be honest about your child’s capabilities, talents, and skills without causing discouragement. Help them to remove their fears when they have failed, encouraging them to try, try, try again. Plant good seeds into their little heads at an early age and speak about them as though you were their best fan. Nurture them with unconditional love. Always say something positive and honest knowing that they can still attain high achievements, even if they haven’t quite made it yet. Then, work with them on whatever they want to accomplish.

Tip 5 – Listen to your kids, especially your teens. A parent should know who they’re hanging out with, who their parents are, where they are, what they’re doing, and who they’re with at all times. Don’t be afraid to use “tough love” when necessary or you may be faced with some very painful consequences. Not only are your children impressionable when they’re young, the habits they develop will come from their peers which will be very influential in their lives.

Tip 6 – If there’s a problem or challenge, handle it immediately. Every family should attempt to eat dinner together to discuss what’s happening in each family member’s life. This is a time to learn, relate, listen, and share with one another.

Well, you say — How am I brainwashing my child to success? Once the foundation is in place, you can begin to build your child’s self-esteem and belief that your child can do anything in life! Take the time to talk to your children and encourage them. At the same time, confirm that you are convinced they’ll achieve whatever it is they want to do—even if it’s out of reach or sounds ridiculous at the time.

The most important factor to remember is to encourage children from infancy to dream big. Teach them not to be afraid to try and do whatever it takes through hard work. Taking up too many sports, lessons, cheerleading, and other activities can also be detrimental, or even backfire. Academics should always be a priority. Then evaluate the time and commitment other activities will require so you both can choose to create balance. A child’s will is what will determine how much they want to take on. However, it is the parent who should make the final decision as to what their child’s activity schedule should be.

Start talking to your child from an early age about what they want to be. Chances are, they’ll change their minds a dozen times, but that’s okay! What’s not okay is to decide for them what YOU want them to be. You can offer them ideas, but unless they have the passion, you are doing them a disservice by trying to force or expect them to do something they have no desire to do in life. Help them find where there passion lies and the chances of success will inflate drastically.

Tell your child what a great student he/she is when they do well. Celebrate! Let them know what success feels like. Create a picture of how you see them an outstanding musician, nurse, pro-baseball player, doctor, dancer, teacher, etc. Help them believe in themselves by pointing out their strong points and showing them how to build on their weaker points. Remind them how they have already excelled by referring to something they did that they thought they never could at one time. Give them positive feedback of your observances concerning individual aspects of their life. Help them to see themselves as successful without putting undue pressure or stress on them. Every child needs to be allowed to go at their own pace. Let your child compete without having a nervous breakdown. As a parent, know when to back off and when to give them a gentle push.

It is very important to let your child understand that there are steps to success and that disappointments or failures are part of life. Allowing your child to believe they will succeed every time only sets them up for failure. Program them to know they can do it, but when they miss the mark, encourage them to try, try, try again. Turn a failure into a positive by explaining how they’re getting closer to their goal and to never give up. Success takes place in stages that require much work. Reassure your child that the reward will be gratifying and with each success, they will venture to the next level.

Lastly, allow your child to fall -just be there to pick them up and guide them back on the right track. Your satisfaction is knowing you did everything you could to get them give them an opportunity to make the best of their life and to see the smile on their face when they experience any type of success. Believing in oneself starts at a young age and will last throughout a lifetime. Remember the saying, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve”.

By: Doris Pina